#12. [Inside the Mind] Matt Stilwell: Choosing to Enjoy the Game and Create a Positive Mindset

episode-12-matt-stilwell

Episode Summary:

In this episode of The Scratch Golfers Mindset Podcast, Paul Salter welcomes Matt Stilwell, a mindset coach who specializes in helping golfers realign their thinking on the course and cultivate a positive mental attitude. 

They discuss how negative self-talk, fear, and the desire for control can derail a golfer’s performance. 

Matt shares practical strategies, including mental nudges and pre-shot routines, to help golfers embrace the challenge of the game and move from fear to confidence. 

Whether you’re struggling with indecision, self-doubt, or negativity, this episode offers actionable steps to shift your mindset and play your best golf.

P.S. If you’re interested in learning more about how mindset coaching and hypnotherapy can help you get unstuck from the proverbial bunker of poor performance on the course and in your business, click here to schedule a coaching discovery call with me. 

Key Quotes:

  • “Golf is a beautiful mirror of who you are as an individual.”
  • “It’s amazing how effortless it feels when I stop thinking and I just surrender.”
  • “By allowing them to perceive the act of surrender as a choice, they still feel they’re in control.”
  • “If you can turn that thinking round earlier in the round and you can realize it earlier in the round, if you’ve been nasty to yourself on the second, the quicker you can trigger that, ah, that’s what Matt was talking to me about.”

More About Matt Stilwell

Matt is a Mindset and ICF accredited Intuitive Coach who helps people from all walks of life understand and overcome their biggest challenges. He helps his clients identify obstacles and co-create a plan to unlock their full potential.

Matt works with businesses to help develop high-performing teams, individuals on a 1-2-1 life transformational basis, and golfers who want to build a better mental game. To help you create a positive golf mindset, you can check out Matt’s podcast right here, The Positive Golf Mindset, where he demonstrates the powerful life lessons to be found on the golf course and vice versa.

Visit Matt’s website here.

  • Instagram – @mattstilwellcoaching 
  • Tik Tok – @mattstilwellcoaching

Join our free and growing community of serious golfers striving to shoot more pars than bogeys.

More Pars Than Bogeys Facebook Group.

For all things 1:1 Mental Game Coaching, Group Mental Game Coaching, and Speaking, visit me here: www.golfmindsetcoaching.com.

For feedback, questions, or to take me out for a round of golf, shoot me an email or connect with me on social media:

Time Stamps:

  • 00:00: Introduction and Background
  • 03:09: Cultivating a Positive Golf Mindset
  • 08:21: Overcoming Negative Self-Talk
  • 13:24: The Power of Mental Nudges
  • 22:33: Golf as a Mirror of Mindset and Well-Being
  • 24:19: The Importance of the Mental Game in Golf
  • 27:21: Self-Talk and Present Moment Awareness
  • 30:20: The Role of Routine in Performance
  • 33:30: Confidence and Fear: Two Sides of the Same Coin
  • 35:49: Enjoying the Challenge and Letting Go of Outcomes
  • 40:22: The Power of Asking for Help

Transcript:

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (00:02.482)

Hey Matt, thank you so much for joining me on an episode of the Scratch Golfers Mindset Podcast. How are you today?

Matt (00:09.373)

Paul, I’m good, thank you. It’s lovely to see you again.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (00:13.01)

Absolutely, and I am looking forward to this conversation for so many reasons, but especially because we share such a strong, genuine passion of all things mindset. And we’ve had multiple opportunities to converse about the importance of the mental game, not only on the golf course, but in business, entrepreneurship, and just life as we know it, as we all strive to be the best version of ourselves. So to really begin building a foundation for this conversation, I would love for you to enlighten the listeners to really share more about who

you are what you do so they have a really deep understanding to serve as a jumping off point for us.

Matt (00:49.245)

Super, thank you so much. So my name’s Matt, as you’ve alluded. And again, as you’ve alluded, I’m a mindset coach, much like yourself. I’ve been doing it for a number of years. And I guess I try to help people in all walks of life. That’s where my passion is. I work with people in business to help.

not just the individuals within the business to, let’s say they want a different career path or they need a, going for a promotion. They need something like that. I helped them to kind of unlock those barriers, understand those challenges a little better, but also work with businesses themselves. They may have, some employees or they need to pull together a group to actually become more cohesive. I helped them do that as well. So that’s one little string to my, my particular bow. I also help people in their.

or kind of a one -to -one basis in their personal lives. And again, that can often fall into career aspirations and they maybe wanna take a different path, but much like yourself, sometimes it, or in your business world, sometimes it falls into relationships or how they can improve their own wellbeing and those kinds of things. So I really, really enjoy that. And the third kind of main…

area that I get involved with is helping golfers. So this is about realigning a golfers thinking on the golf course, cultivating what I call a positive golf mindset and a better mental attitude. And there’s many, many reasons we might open up the box as to why I do that in a little while, but the, the, the truth is I have been party to how a better mindset improves your game and.

It not only does it improve your game, improve your scoring. It actually, it makes you happier. It makes you a better person outside of the golf course. I have numerous stories of people who have come to me with a really kind of quite a poor attitude, let’s just say on the golf course. And then you realize that that is also reflected outside and they’re taking issues home or they’re dwelling on it all weekend. You must’ve heard people talk about their weekends being ruined.

Matt (03:08.093)

because of the game of golf they had Saturday morning and that, you know, that’s bizarre and there’s no need. There’s a better way of doing it. And if you can unlock that, it will make you a better player and a better person. So that’s where I sit.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (03:21.746)

Yeah, I love that. And I appreciate you sharing what really stood out to me is this, the sentence you said where it’s a reflection of like who you are off the course, like I couldn’t agree more golf is a beautiful mirror of who you are as an individual. And no matter how strong of a compartmentalizer you think you are, truly at the end of the day, you cannot separate the human from the golfer all of it is connected. And if you are carrying, you know, emotional resiliency and emotional management issues with you and your every

day life, they’re going to show up on the golf course and vice versa. So I’m thrilled to hear you say that. And I’d love to hear more like let’s let’s get a big overarching definition of your view of a positive golf mindset. What is that?

Matt (04:06.685)

Yeah, well, I mean, it’s a lot of things. It’s a lot of things. But at the core, much like our coaching journeys, fear often sits at the core somewhere in there. But a positive golf mindset, and the reason I use that term is because the stuff that you learn on the golf course, the stuff that you learn on the golf course, the stuff that you learn on the golf course, the stuff that you learn on the golf course, the stuff that you learn on the golf course, the stuff that you learn on the golf course, the stuff that you learn on the golf course, the stuff that you learn on the golf course, the stuff that you learn on the golf course, the stuff that you learn on the golf course, the stuff that you learn on the golf course, the stuff that you learn on the golf course, the stuff that you learn on the golf course, the stuff that you learn on the golf course, the stuff that you learn on the golf course, the stuff that you learn on the golf course, the stuff that you learn on the

the way you can be, the way you can stay in the moment or at least get into the moment, the way you can try to let things go. You can relinquish this, what I sometimes call fake control, the idea that you can control a certain thing. Well, there’s a heck of a lot of stuff in our lives you cannot control. And I find with a lot of people, there is a little core, there’s a nugget where…

they find it very difficult to allow that control just to be left behind and to be able to let something go. So I always talk about the opposite of that being choice. So when people say, I need control of something, that’s often because they haven’t made the choice to let it go. So you are now back in control of it because you have chosen to let go. So by letting go of the things you can’t control, and I’m talking,

anything and everything before and after that little white ball gets hit. That’s the only bit you can control that one bit there. You can control your pre -shot routine and you can control how you speak to yourself. You can tell yourself over and over that you’re a terrible putter and guess what? You’re going to be a terrible putter. So change it. Tell yourself that you’re a great putter. Tell yourself that this is where you love to be. Tell yourself that you’re enjoying it because that’s the whole point.

And I think the undercurrent of everything I do and the people that I work with is about trying to enjoy the challenge of golf. So the game of golf, much like, I mean, there’s a lot of things here, loads of things that reflect in life, but golf is not a game to be conquered. You can’t, no one’s ever conquered it. Tiger Woods hasn’t conquered it. It’s a game to be endured at times.

Matt (06:28.893)

You know, as Jack Nicklaus, I think it might have been Jack Nicklaus said, you know, it’s a game of mistakes and it’s the player who is best managing those mistakes is the one who’s going to win. So it’s a game to be endured and it’s a game to be enjoyed, not to be conquered. So switching those things on and there’s many, many more, but switching those kinds of feelings on is what it’s all about. And when I talk to people and I work with people, everyone will have a different issue.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (06:43.73)

Hmm.

Matt (06:58.845)

Everyone will have a different thing that they need to work with. And like all coaching, I need those individuals to be able to come to me with some level of realization that they need the help. That’s always step one, isn’t it? And once they have that, we can then start working on what those things are.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (07:17.746)

I love the word choice that really resonates with me.

As someone who is admittedly a bit more type A and OCD, I love control. And as you and I have had the privilege of talking about when you were kind enough to host me on your show, you know, I didn’t pick up a golf club for almost 15 years. And when I did play, I was quite good as a teenage golfer, you know, bogey golfer a little better on some occasions. And now returning to the game, I want to control every element yet.

the more I try to control my swing, the bigger the mistake I make. And so what I really extracted from you sharing about that is how do I fall in love with a sense of safety around surrendering that control? And I, you know, today is whatever, Wednesday, I think the 19th on Tuesday, the 18th, I just had a lesson and I just kept telling my coach over and over, like it’s amazing how effortless it feels when I stop thinking and I just surrender that my body knows how to swing. My body already knows how to hit a golf ball.

I can rely on gravity, centrifugal force, just let this club do its thing if I get out of my own way. So I’m curious, you know, what are some of those simple steps you begin teaching on to help your clients and golfers grow more comfortable around the idea of letting go of control?

Matt (08:40.189)

Yeah, so I mean, generally speaking, your journey to being a better golfer will start with the physical mechanics. It just will, you know, look at a child putting on the putting green. My daughter’s a very good example. I’ve not taught her anything. She’s picked up a club and she’s just able to putt it. Great, I’m not gonna affect that, I’m not touching that. But there will come a moment where she will need…

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (08:55.026)

Mm -hmm.

Matt (09:07.549)

some more, maybe some lessons on the physical to get her body in the right shape, to get a grip right and all that sort of stuff. Lovely. Now, if you want to improve and you want to get yourself into, I would, I’m not going to put a number on it, but you want to continually improve, there will be a tipping point whereby you can’t adjust your swing, your swing speed, your ball striking. You can’t just do that without starting to work on your mind.

As I said earlier, if you’re just telling yourself that you’re a bad putter and I hear it all the time, my short game’s awful. I’m rubbish at my short game. And in my head, I’m, you know, cause I’m not, I’m maybe playing them in the match. I’m thinking, okay, well I’ve good. I’ve got you. But if I’m, if I’m your, if I’m your coach and you’re my client, I’m going to pull you up a little on that. And I’m going to ask you some questions about how that makes you feel. where that’s coming from. Chances are, as I said earlier, it was coming from fear coming from a.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (09:48.786)

Yeah, exactly.

Matt (10:04.861)

fear, probably of ridicule, probably, or embarrassment. Sometimes that’s what it is. And that’s very difficult to unlock, but at least understanding it’s there, I think is an important one. But letting go is, I, I, again, I talk about letting go of stuff with people all the time and it, and it could be any number of things, but you still need a thing to be able to focus the mind on, you know, saying clear your mind completely without meditating or getting yourself in that state is really, really difficult. So.

For some people, it is just a pre -shot routine. So the only thing I want you to think about is doing the same thing every time before you hit the shot. That’s what we’re gonna do today. That’s all we’re gonna work on. And we are not gonna look at or care where the ball ends. This is purely to get your mind into the prep state. And when you step into that one square meter, we call it, around the block, around the ball, that’s when you engage. And that’s all you think about.

For other people, it would be kind of thinking of, let’s say you’re not quite hitting the ball square on the putting green. Maybe you need to think about the gate with which the putter blade comes through. So then we’re using other words we’re talking about. We’re saying words like, or phrase like through the gate or rhythm or commitment. We’re leaving those words in your mind so that that is a thing that your brain is thinking about without.

being completely bare, but also without being utterly submerged in things to think about because both of those things can be damaging for some people. But, but yes, so it could, so it’s, so it’s a myriad of things really. And it would, it would depend on, you know, the moment it would depend on what they actually want to work on, but being able to get people to see that letting go, getting into, let’s say a flow state for some people in business, that’s good.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (11:41.234)

Yeah.

Matt (12:01.501)

Developing a growth mindset again is another thing that people in business hear a lot about. But by saying that to someone, they can already understand what you mean by that. So you’re, you know, I try to kind of break down barriers. If someone’s never heard of that, I’ll use different terminology. I’ll talk about it in a different way. But, you know, I think we talk about this on, we talked about this on my podcast, but the whole idea of curiosity, asking yourself relevant, open questions.

that aren’t accusatory and aren’t sort of aggressive, asking yourself, why did I take a six iron there? I should never have taken a six iron. Be more curious about what the bull might do in that example or dwelling on the past and worrying about the future, I know good, relinquish control, focus on the next shot. That’s all you need to be doing.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (13:00.178)

Yes, so much wisdom there. And again, so I just I told you I fixed it on that word choice. I love that I’ve never thought about the way you’ve explained it. But even the way it seems you package and phrases to your clients is so brilliant. Because by allowing them to perceive the act of surrender as a choice, they still feel they’re in control. And again, the type A in me is like, I need that control.

I’m going to choose to surrender that makes me feel as if I have a sense of control. And then simultaneously that pre shot routine, you’re right when I can begin to ingrain like I have control of 100 % of my pre shot routine. I feel at peace, you know, it’s like that it has been scratched. I’m actually effortlessly able to surrender as a result because I give my mind a set of to do so get me focused and ready focused and float.

to hit that effortless shot. So brilliant packaging there. I appreciate you sharing that. And something else that stood out to me too, as you mentioned there when you were further introducing what you do with golfers is this realignment of their thinking, this cultivation of a mental attitude that allows them to both endure and enjoy the game. Where are you finding the disconnect in your golfers who…

come to the game for a sense of enjoyment and leave with a sense of greater frustration. Where and why did that disconnect take place?

Matt (14:21.149)

Yeah, good question. And it comes from a variety, but predominantly, we’ve already talked about it a little bit, it is control. So people do come to the game with an idea that it is like any other game and it is…

tennis or badminton or even even football or soccer or something, you know, you can control all everything you do. You can move around the pitch anywhere you want. You can react to things in a moment. Golf isn’t like that. Golf is a the ball is completely static. It is only you and your head and your body, you know, in that moment and understanding that your head and your body are completely and utterly intrinsically linked and you need the other you need one to help.

The other, there’s no point having a, you know, the stresses that come with worry and the stresses that come with, that was a bad shot. That tightens up the body, tightens up the neck and the shoulders, tightens up the arms and hooray, a poor shot. But the disconnect comes sometimes from people who have only just started out in the game. I do find that it is that slight, not misunderstanding.

because that’s not really fair, but a misalignment of what is required to play good golf. And it is a combination of practice, because it’s not an easy game and a lot of people don’t practice enough. And that I’m not a pro. I’m not a pro. I don’t suggest to people that I’m going to show you how to stand and swing properly. I can see things and do things, but I would suggest you go and see a club pro for that. I’m here to talk you through.

the way your mind works when you’re thinking of certain things and what to think of in certain moments. And all that bundled up together, negativity and people’s kind of constant beating up of their own minds, their own abilities, their own qualities is the biggest, biggest, biggest thing. And ev –

Matt (16:37.085)

so many people, so many people will be just horrid to themselves and then will fall into this cycle of poor performance, more aggression, poor performance, more aggression. And a lot of the time people are different, but a lot of the time it takes several holes, maybe the entire round, but normally it takes a couple of holes at least for that cycle to work its way through and come out the other side before you realise, well, that was a…

What an absolute waste of time that was. I can’t believe I did that. And then that is, but that for a beginner is a brilliant thing to be part of because you now have that understanding, you have that knowledge that that is what happens if I get upset. Two, three, four, five holes go down the drain. And I can pinpoint back to the exact moment where it happened and I can show them the exact moment where it happened.

And it could be the simplest little thing of overconfidence. Could be they’ve hit a really nice drive. now, okay, now we’re on for a par. They’ve already told themselves they’re getting a par. And then it all inevitably falls apart because you can see the threads, is what I’m trying to say. You can see the threads of someone and you can see the bits of threads start to pop as the whole plays out before the whole thing just unravels. And…

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (17:42.354)

Hmm.

Matt (18:05.085)

Like I say, everybody is different. But I would say that the negative self -talk is a really, really damaging one. I worked very hard on my own game some years ago with regard to that, because I would do that. I would not necessarily physically smash my clubs down because they were expensive and I didn’t have a lot of money. But I would be someone who was maybe slightly embarrassed by the poor performance. So I understand that.

I get that in people, I understand it. You don’t wanna come across as someone who’s not very good or performing poorly. But the first thing is to stop telling yourself, the first thing is to stop being horrible to yourself, to stop having negative self -talk.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (18:53.33)

So I noticed, you know, you do a really, you take a rather a really unique approach to coaching. You do a lot of your coaching off and away from the course, but also on the course, playing nine or 18 with your clients. And one concept or phrase you use quite often, I’ve learned and just consuming your content is like providing these mental nudges on the course. So with somebody who struggles with negative self -talk,

Matt (19:02.437)

Yep.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (19:18.802)

berating themselves that inner harsh judgmental critical voice in their mind is dominating their mental dialogue. Talk us through a what the on the course mental nudges look like and be how you address and work on that problem away from the course.

Matt (19:34.909)

Yeah, great. Good question. So, the mental nudges, as I call them, are very, very short, 30 second, maybe one minute reminders. Normally audio, they can be video, but they were designed for, let’s say we’ve had a session together, or we’ve been out on the course for an hour or two or something like that. We’ve had some kind of initial session and now I understand what your challenges are and how is…

possibly how we’re going to improve it. I will give you and leave you with some mental reminders before you actually go out on the course. So you’ll tell me you’re going to go and play around on Saturday. I’ll make sure that Friday night, but sometimes even Saturday morning is actually quite good. So you’re literally on the way to the course, maybe in your car or in the change room beforehand. And there are only 30 seconds or one minute for that reason. And it would literally be mental reminders, things to remind yourself.

tell yourself in the moment. So if your problem was negative self -talk, my tone of voice on the mental nudge would be very, very upbeat. It would be very happy. It would be a little bit jokey because this is a game and I don’t want you to be beating yourself up. I want you to enjoy it. And here’s something to remember. Remember it’s a game. Remember it’s brilliant. Remember this is not to be conquered and you can’t control it.

Remember to let go, whatever those things are. And I would give you specific ways of doing that. So we would know that maybe it happens to you on the T. So it doesn’t happen to you on the green or anywhere else? No, no, mainly just the T. Okay, fine. So I’ll give you specific things to think about before you hit that T shot that is working towards the challenge or the thing you wanna fix. So they’re small, really cool little nuggets of stuff. And I do that as…

part and parcel of the whole of our entire coaching journey. I’m also offering it. I will be offering it at this second, but I will be offering those really bespoke, really personal touches through my Instagram. If you were to join and become a member, there’s those you’ll get one of those will have a one to one and I’ll leave you sort of mental nudges. So people like them. It fits in with certainly with their golf. I mean, if we were doing something outside of the golf course, mental nudges.

Matt (22:00.221)

They still work for certain people and for certain circumstances. However, it would probably be a little more formal, a little more one -to -one because these are, dare I say, these are bigger issues than just a game of golf. And I do want people to remember that because it’s quite powerful that it is just a game. I know a lot of people don’t like hearing that, but it is. And we should be enjoying it and we should be enduring it and we should be loving it.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (22:15.09)

Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Matt (22:28.989)

and enjoying the challenge that it brings.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (22:32.914)

I love that. So away from the course that when you’re doing one of your one on one coaching sessions, you know, and it’s just this this guy, this gal is just still so trapped in this spiral of negativity. What are some of those early steps you’re taking to help them see things differently and upgrade their word choice and self talk?

Matt (22:53.245)

Yeah, the first port of call is always the realization that that is an issue. And you have to, and as you’ve probably discovered as well, there’s no use in me telling you what you need to do without you having made the steps to saying, I think there might be a…

think there might be something over here. So I need people to get there often themselves. There’s no point, like me just telling you, it’s a self -talk issue. I need you to kind of, in the moment, we’ll be talking back and forth. I’ll be using questions for you to discover that that’s what it is. I may well feel that that’s probably what it is, and I might leave tidbits, but those questions will be to guide you in a direction.

to guide you to a point of realization where you say, could you know on the fourth and the fifth, I wasn’t very nice to myself. And then I can say, well, you also, you did that on the 16th and the 17th. Do you remember? I didn’t know. So now we’re there. Now we’ve got the realization. That’s the point. So now in the one -on -ones in a session like this, we can talk about how that made them feel in the moment.

more so than the outcome of the score. Now the score for most people in golf is the be all and end all and of course it is, but people need to understand that if you can turn that thinking round earlier in the round and you can realize it earlier in the round, if you’ve been nasty to yourself on the second, the quicker you can trigger that, that’s what Matt was talking to me about. Okay, right. Okay, got it, right. And then here’s a technique to get you back.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (24:42.386)

Hmm.

Matt (24:46.429)

present moment awareness probably, have a look at the trees. It doesn’t have to be anything more scientific than breathe, bring yourself back to the here and now, relax your shoulders even and just bring back to the routine, come back to the routine. So it would be our one -to -one sessions would be much more discovery -based. On the golf course, it’s kind of reflective and it’s kind of questioning and I’m almost gathering data when we’re out on the course.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (24:53.938)

Yeah.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (25:15.122)

Mm -hmm.

Matt (25:15.485)

And I’m almost, I’m querying and questioning what that would be. And then afterwards I’m asking what your feelings are in those moments. And I’ve got the data to tell me literally what your scores were, how many greens in regulation you hit, you know, fairways in regulation, whether you had to come out sideways, whether you took your medicine and came out of the trees, which is, you know, I presume that’s a phrase that you guys use over there. Yeah, yeah, good. I just realized as I said that, I thought, is that…

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (25:41.042)

Yeah.

Hahaha.

Matt (25:44.541)

gonna understand what that is. Yeah. Sorry, I’ve lost my train of thought. Yeah. So the the golf course is about understanding and is about is about helping them gain that realization. And then in the one to ones is about developing systems techniques to enable you to use those in the moment. Could be a traffic jam. Someone’s annoying you, you can use the same, you know, kind of present moment awareness to snap out of it.

in the supermarket or whatever, someone annoying you. You can ask yourself so many things. Can I control that? What the traffic lights are doing? No, of course you can’t. You can’t, you just gotta be patient and you’ve gotta wait. And that’s a little bit annoying, yes, but it’s not in your control. You need to let it go.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (26:33.394)

Yeah, and for those of you listening, the sign of a good coach, or rather a characteristic of a good coach is someone who can identify and pinpoint what you’re doing wrong and what you need to work on. But the sign of a great coach is Matt just exemplified as someone who will help you get to that conclusion yourself. Because when that happens, you’re invested, you take ownership, you experience on a deep emotional level.

how much this mistake is costing you or hurting you. So that was brilliant. I loved how you phrased that. And I want to pivot us a little bit. I want to talk about two concepts that are incredibly closely related, yet some people mistake them for being polar opposites. And that’s the concept of a confident golfer compared to a fearful golfer. So these terms of confidence and fear.

You know, how can someone who is struggling with indecision, doubt and uncertainty in their game begin to generate confidence?

Matt (27:30.269)

Yeah, that’s great. The indecision thing is a more damaging trait than many realize and many kind of allow to work themselves through. And that was all indecision specifically. That’s why I get people to look at data. I get people to look at, and I don’t look at data just for the sake of, I can drive. Look how far I can drive it. It’s more about.

understanding again, it’s back to this realization. It’s an understanding of your ability where you are. Yes, but it’s, it’s also an expectation leader. So if you can, if you, if you can temper your expectations and more so I find people who are people who are, who are really on top of a kind of

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (28:10.29)

Hmm.

Matt (28:22.653)

how poor their game is or their, well, I only got, I got five on this path or some whatever it might be. Their expectations are so high until I demonstrate to them that a tour pro only hits this many greens in regulation and you’re beating yourself up playing off 20 and you know, a handicap of 20 and you’re beating yourself up for not doing the same. You are not going to do the same. So an understanding of your level and your expectation is where.

is where the data comes in. So I always encourage people to look at their data and a lot of the very best golfers do so and they don’t do it as a stick to beat themselves up. They also don’t really do it as a thing to motivate them. They do it as a where am I? Where is my current position? Where could I improve? What do I need to improve? And what I see in a lot of brilliant golfers who are kind of more confident is that they fall into

flow state and they genuinely do, they genuinely let go of everything. They have a curious mind, they ask themselves the right questions and they just, it’s almost like they’re not thinking of anything. It’s almost like they’re just flowing. And I guarantee that you felt that. I know I have felt that. I guarantee anybody listening to this who’s played golf or any sport, let’s be honest, there’s moments where we’ve played, I played football, soccer when I was younger.

And there are moments where you would fall into a flow state and stuff just happens. You’re not, the ball comes across, you’re not thinking, right, I now need to trap this ball and control it on my chest and then bring it down onto the floor and then pass it 30 yards that way. You’re not thinking that, it just happens. So that only happens when you’re relaxed enough, when you’re relinquishing control almost. And that is scary for some people. That is scary for them not to think. And I often say, you know, it’s,

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (30:06.962)

Yep.

Matt (30:18.973)

sometimes it’s good not to think just to allow yourself to be routine routine’s a massive one pre -shot routine not just pre -shot routine but pre -game routine these people have the same routines there’s people playing very low very very very low single figures playing in the scratch team who will be out and do the same thing every time they will be on the practice range half an hour before they will do 10 -15 minutes of putting and then they will go and it doesn’t have to be any more than that i’m not saying it has to be like a

pros routine, but this is their routine. And all it’s doing is relaxing their body and relaxing their mind so that they know they’re ready. They can get into flow state quicker and they can go. And people who live in fear almost probably haven’t done any warmup. I’m guessing probably haven’t practiced on the putting green probably, probably don’t know the speed of the fairways. So.

There’s plenty of stuff that you can control. And if you can control it, you should try if you want to get better. But there’s also that really important piece about choice and about allowing yourself to let go of the things you can’t control and learning what that is. Yeah, and I think I’ve said about enjoyment, really thriving on the thrill of the challenge. Getting that, I’ve seen people…

get a get not I mean get a buzz from being in the rough, right? With with a 20 yard wedge shot and being in the rough out of it, they get a buzz for the feeling that they’re going to leave this, you know, four foot short or something of the whole. And for a lot of people, sometimes me included if you’re in the rough, you’re thinking, well, I’ve got control what I’m thinking now because all I’m worried about is getting it out. No.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (31:57.65)

Mm -hmm.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (32:13.49)

Yeah.

Matt (32:13.885)

No, that’s not what we should be doing. We should be thinking, what is this lie going to do to my ball? Where’s my curious questions? Stay relaxed, stay in flow.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (32:26.066)

And I love how every element of our conversation has or can easily be traced back to the pre shot routine. Like in the example you just described, like I keep hearing pre shot routine is going to diffuse fear and ultimately unveil the confidence that is already within because the pre shot routine is an act of preparation in and of itself. And same thing as the pre round routine is actually what I meant to specifically say that you were describing. That is what bolsters and shines a bright spotlight on the confidence that’s already there. And it diffuses the fear.

Matt (32:30.909)

Yeah.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (32:56.019)

easily transporting you to that flow state.

Matt (32:59.741)

Indeed, absolutely. Yeah. And these are just, these are, we’re tricking the brain, aren’t we? We’re tricking our mind into thinking that there is some control. We’re tricking it into thinking that, right, I am fully prepared. And your level of preparation may be different to mine, which may be different to that person, may be different to that person. But if it’s enough that it allows your brain and your body to relax and to get into whatever rhythm you need to get into, then that’s fine.

And like I said, I’m not suggesting that everybody should be out doing an hours pregame prep before every round. For some people, I’ve seen it, you know, 10 minutes of putting and a little go in the net is enough and they’ll go out and win the game. For some people, that’s enough, but you need to know what your level is and you need to know what you need in that moment. And create the best way possible because again,

back to expectation, if you’re expecting to do well and you haven’t prepared properly and you haven’t got the right mental attitude, then you can’t expect to. And I heard something very, very recently from Podrick Harrington and it was something I really, really loved. And it was on a YouTube channel admittedly, but it was where he was asking, I think it might have been, well, it was a YouTuber. I won’t say who it is, but it was a YouTuber. It’s all over it.

He said, are you, are you arrogant enough to think that you can beat me with a, with a poor mental attitude? And this guy, the YouTube, a very, very, very good YouTuber, by the way, plays, you know, he’s easily a pro. And he said, do you, are you that arrogant to think that you can beat me without a proper mental setup and a mental approach? And he said, I know people on tour. He said, I know, I know, I know golfers on tour who.

strike the ball like really, really badly, but have the greatest mental attitude and they are on tour. And I also know amateurs who strike the ball better than many pros, but their attitude absolutely stinks and they will never make it. They will never get themselves to that point. And he said the number of people who can just focus on their ball striking and their golf swing.

Matt (35:23.613)

If they just worked on their mental attitude, they wouldn’t need to work on that golf swing. And it kind of brings me round full circle back to my daughter, you know, it’s up to a point, not quite, but you know, she doesn’t need to work on her golf swing. She’s putting it just fine and her attitude’s great. She loves it. That’s all good. But if we could work on our attitude, our pregame prep, we would be far better for it.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (35:28.974)

Yeah.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (35:48.946)

Yeah, I love that. And I love that your daughter’s already playing. That’s outstanding. And so much fun and joy and memorable moments await the two of you. So I’m curious to get you out of here on this for the double digit handicap golfer who’s listening right now. What advice, what priority would you recommend to him or her to begin attacking the mental game to start shooting more pars than bogeys?

Matt (35:51.965)

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s good. It’s good.

Matt (36:20.637)

It is for me under the bracket of enjoy it. Right? So golf is a challenging sport and it’s supposed to be. So enjoy that. Enjoy the challenge. Get yourself into a feeling that I don’t care what the outcome is. The outcome doesn’t matter. Practice. You might not be able to get out a lot, but I would say practice.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (36:27.442)

Hmm.

Matt (36:49.117)

So practice the physical on the golf course, but practice the mental on the golf course as well. And you can practice those mental techniques when you’re in your car, when you’re at home, when you’re dealing with your children, when you’re at work, whatever it is you’re doing, you can bring yourself back to the moment. You can see in others whether they’ve just pinged. I call it pinging. When you have a thing and you’ve gone, that’s called a ping. So.

You can see it in other people when they ping, you know, and you can build up that stuff. So physical practice, of course, if you’re brand new, but if you are beyond that a little and you want to actually work on your mindset, don’t be afraid to ask for help, please. It doesn’t have to be a certified coach, but ask someone you play with, how do you think I behave when I’m on the course? Have you ever seen me?

I’m trying to think sometimes I lose my way on some holes and I’ve got a bit of a bogey hole. I don’t really like number eight. That’s a bit of all the water down the side of it. So you’re already starting to build your recognition muscle. You’re already starting to see what it might be, but asking for help is not a failure. It’s not a bad thing. It actually shows courage and actually shows that you want to get better. So ask, ask someone.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (38:13.074)

I love that, that’s such great advice.

Matt (38:15.357)

It’s true. And it’s, and I would, I would echo that in any walk of life. I think we, maybe not so much in the U S I don’t know, but in the UK, I still get the feeling, certainly in industry that the asking for help is seen as a little bit of a weakness. I still get that. I still, I know people say, there’s no, sorry, there’s, there’s no, there’s no stupid questions. And I truly believe there aren’t any stupid questions because that’s just the way I am. But I, I hear it, but I don’t see it being.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (38:30.802)

Mm -hmm.

Matt (38:46.077)

acted out and I still get the feeling that asking for help and asking questions is still seen as a bit of a weakness if you know what I mean. And I don’t think it should be, I think that’s dangerous.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (38:58.706)

I agree. I’m a big believer and I’ve said for a long time, asking for help accelerates results asking for help alleviates anxiety. It’s a no brainer to someone like you and I and like I see it, I echo exactly what you said, like there’s still a stigma and negative connotation around asking for help. It makes us look weak and I see it and I’m sure you do too more in men than women, this sense of stubbornness, I’ve got to figure it out on my own. And I wonder if you see this as well. I see it even to an even

deeper degree when it comes to asking for help around mindset and mental game. There is still so much of a level of uncertainty and unknown. I can do it myself. The mindset’s not that important. And then we can all trace it back to 95 % of what you do is happening on autopilot in your subconscious. You might want to take a look there every now and then to get out of your own way.

Matt (39:51.197)

Yep, absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Getting out of your own way. I love that. That’s that. So I’ve said that to people before. Yeah, really, really important. And I just think that the being able to kind of enjoy that challenge and letting go really alleviates the stress. I’m talking about people who want to make a first step into working on their mindset. That’s that’s rule number one is is

enjoy the thing. Pinpoint the times when you’re not enjoying it. What triggered those? Do you understand when that was? Can you really trace it back? Because a lot of people, let’s not beat around the bush, some people will have issues on the way to the golf course. Some people will have issues when they’re at home dealing with family or friends or something before they’ve left, left them in an odd state. They’re now in a weird…

aggressive state perhaps or an unhappy state or whatever that state might be, but they might not have realised it until the end. So the quicker we can work on our realisation muscle and realise when we’ve gone, realise when we’re triggering ourselves, that’s when we can start to do something about it. And there are a myriad of things that we can do, a myriad. Just have a little look at my website or…

check out my Instagram, there’s some stuff on there. I did this whole series of kind of silly videos, which I really enjoyed doing, but I’m gonna do some more of kind of just scenarios that might happen on the course and then scenarios that might happen at home that trigger those things and how we can alleviate them. And I quite like doing that, it’s fun. Shows a bit of character.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (41:34.642)

Yeah, I love that. Absolutely. And on that note, where can our listeners go to learn more about you, learn from you, gain more information about your coaching?

Matt (41:46.205)

Yeah, so I’m all over the socials. I say all over. I’m not on Twitter or X, but I am on Instagram and Facebook and TikTok and threads and YouTube, LinkedIn, at Matt Stillwell Coaching. I don’t need to spell it. I don’t think, I’m sure you might be able to put it in the description for me. That would be very helpful. Thank you. Because I have got an odd one L in the middle, two at the end. Matt Stillwell Coaching.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (42:08.114)

And I’ll link it below, yeah, absolutely.

Matt (42:14.557)

And then you can go to my website. There’s lots of information on there, lots of articles. And of course my podcast series, the Positive Golf Mindset podcast, has about 30 odd episodes on there at the moment and more coming. And of course you’re going to be, you’re on one of them. That’s due out shortly. I’m not sure when this one’s coming out, but it might be out already or it might be coming soon. So look out for that.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (42:38.258)

Eh.

Awesome, Matt. Well, it’s a pleasure to have you to further connect with you to bond over our mutual passions of the game of golf and the mental game of let’s just call it life, but also the game of golf. So thank you so much for joining me.

Matt (42:53.213)

It is my absolute pleasure. Thank you, Paul. It’s been really good fun. Thanks.

Paul Salter | Golf Mindset Coach (42:56.09)

Yeah, absolutely. For those of you listening, thank you for joining us. All of Matt’s information will be linked below. I highly, highly recommend that you not only connect with him on social, but check out the Positive Golf Mindset podcast and all of the wonderful mental nudges and nuggets he has splattered across his website. And if you continue to find value in the Scratch Golfers Mindset podcast, it would mean the world to me if you took 30 seconds to leave a genuine

rating and review on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you are listening. Thank you so much for listening. Have a fantastic rest of your day. A great round of golf awaits you and we’ll catch you in the next episode.

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PAUL SALTER

Paul Salter - known as The Golf Hypnotherapist - is a High-Performance Mindset Coach who leverages hypnosis and powerful subconscious reprogramming techniques to help golfers of all ages and skill levels overcome the mental hazards of their minds so they shoot lower scores and play to their potential.

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